The Joy of Exercising
by Flagg1991
Summary: Aspiring filmmaker Lorenzo Loud (Benny x Luan kid) is drafted by his gym teacher to make an exercise video. Unfortunately for everyone, she has no idea what kind of "movies" Lorenzo makes. Art by ZAQ. Oneshot. [Commission]


Lorenzo Loud sat on the bleachers in the gym of Royal Woods Middle and stared down at the health book in his lap. A cartoony diagram depicting the female body in bland, clinical detail spread across two pages, labeled little arrows pointing to the most, ahem, delicious parts. The vulva :weary: the breasts :weary: the anus (oh my UMF). His dick, at full mast and ready to sink itself into female flesh, strained against the inseam of his corduroy pants like a scrappy pugilist and his tongue darted out to wet his chapped lips. His face flushed red with desire and sweat trickled down the back of his neck. He inserted a single finger into his turtleneck sweater and pulled. Is it hot in here, or is it just me? He looked around at his classmates, arranged on either side of him like spectators at a home game. A lot of them were girls, and Lorenzo openly leered at their bare legs, soft throats, and ponytails. One, a blonde with green eyes and a little gap in her teeth that reminded him of his aunt Lola, caught him, and a look of disgust flickered across her pretty features.

"What are _you _looking at, creep?"

Her snide tone (playing hard to get, are we?) only made Lorenzo randier. "My next conquest," he said.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. Lorenzo grinned. He loved it when a woman played like she didn't want him. That's what made his sister Leia so irresistible. She was very good at pretending she found him utterly pugnant. So good, in fact, that he could almost believe she really did.

Of course that was preposterous, not only was he dashingly handsome with his curly brown hair, acne, and big Jew nose, he was on track to become a world renowned filmmaker. His arthouse cinema, invariably featuring nude women and crude sex acts, would one day make him hideiously wealthy. The girls all knew this, and knew, perhaps from his sisters, that he loved the chase, therefore they mocked and rejected him as a type of foreplay. It drove him crazy, and some days he was so worked up that as soon as he got home, he threw his little sister Lara onto the bed, stripped off her panties, and fucked her so hard she could barely walk afterwards. She was good for release, but her foreplay game was, unfortunately, trash. She hung on him, giggled at everything he said, and stared up at him with big lovestruck eyes.

She didn't understand the thrill of the chase at all.

Poor benighted soul.

The blonde girl crossed her long, silky legs, her skirt riding high up her thigh. Oh, she thought she was being subtle, but he knew from that tiny movement alone that she desired his affections. She narrowed her eyes and sneered at him, and in that moment she was so sexy he almost finished in his boxers.

Again.

"Stop perving on me or I'm going to report you to the teacher again."

Lorenzo smirked. "Very well, m'lady." He turned away with a flourish but continued to watch her from the corner of his eye. She said something to the girl next to her, and they both shuddered in revulsion.

Ooooh, did he smell a threesome coming on?

He didn't mean to brag, but one time he had a Ménage à trois with his sisters Liby and Leia. Have you ever known the joys of having a little blonde riding your face while a brace-faced beauty in a ponytail rode your dick? He had, and it only cost him 500 dollars. That was his and Leia's arrangement. She refused to sleep with him without being paid because she somehow knew he enjoyed the taboo. It surely wasn't because she woudn't fuck him otherwise. Absolutely not. With Liby, he only had to pester her for a few days. She instinctively knew that the concept of pity sex aroused him, so she went out of her way to make it seem like she was only sleeping with him for that reason and not because she craved it.

For those reasons, both made far better lovers than Lara, but Lara, at least, was easy. He didn't always have the time to woo Liby or the money to pay Leia. That's where Lara came in. All it took was a single look, and she was wiggling out of her caprices with a lascivious smile. She was a cute kid but unless she learned how to push his buttons, she would always be just that: A kid and not a woman like Leia, Liby, and the girls currently looking at him like he was the biggest piece of shit in the world.

His train of thought broke when the gym teacher, Mrs. Pervis, strode up. Clad in tan slacks, a white polo shirt, and a baseball cap, she wore a whistle around her neck and a perpetual scowl. "Alright, everyone done?"

She looked around, and satisfied that they were, she said, "I just got off the phone with Phys Ed Inc., the company that produces educational films for schools. They went bankrupt. That means we won't be getting that new _Joy of Exercising _DVD I ordered. Is anyone interested in making their own? I need a tape here by Friday morning. I won't pay you but you'll get an automatic A for the rest of the semester."

Lorenzo perked up. Make a movie? For an A?

This was his time to shine.

He fisted his hand to his mouth and cleared his throat. She looked at him and her glower deepened. "I may be of assistance in this matter," he said, "I am, after all, a burgeoning filmmaker."

His classmates rolled their eyes, snickered derisively, or ignored his existence completely. Of all the flavors they could have been, they chose to be salty. It was sad, really. He understood jealousy but it wasn't _his_ fault he was driven and determined while they were lazy slobs.

Mrs. Pervis pursed her lips and regarded him with hard eyes, her mind visibly working. She looked like she wanted to say no but couldn't afford to. "Alright, Loud, but no artsy-fartsy black and white stuff. I want something showing how to burn calories and get fit. Understand me?"

Lorenzo beamed. "Yes, ma'am."

Later on, as he walked home from school, he turned the idea he had over and over in his mind. He knew just what he was going to shoot...he just needed some actresses.

Wink.

Friday morning, Lorenzo strode into Mrs. Pervis's office off the gym with his head held high and a flush of triumph on his face. He wore maroon corduroy pants, a black turtleneck, and a red beret to signify his status as a filmmaker. When he passed in the halls, every eye turned upon him, and he could _feel _the envy rolling through them. One day, they would all be working menial jobs here in town and paying their hard earned money to watch his visual literature on the big screen, and they knew it. Poor fools. No wonder they didn't want to sit with him at lunch or acknowledge him when he spoke to them, they were intimidated.

He supposed he couldn't blame them, though the girls were all fools for attempting to resist his sexual prowess.

Mrs. Pervis sat at a messy metal desk in a cramped space composed of lockers, balls, and sports themed motivational posters. Lorenzo stood proudly before her desk and waited. "So," she said without looking up from her paperwork, "did you make my video?"

"Right here," Lorenzo said and held up a blank DVD jewel case.

"Good," she said.

"Would you like an advance viewing?" Lorenzo asked.

She considered for a moment. "Eh, I'm sure it's fine. It's free after all." She let out a hacking smoker's cough.

Later that day, Lorenzo wheeled a TV into the gym and set it up before the bleachers, where his classmates sat with dull expressions like the tasteless, uncultured morons they were. Before coming to class, Lorenzo tossed a white scarf casually over one shoulder and slipped on a pair of John Lennon sunglasses. "Mrs. Purvis!" he sang out. "The movie's about to start~"

He waited a moment, then shrugged. "She must be busy." He turned his attention to the class and cleared his throat. "What you are about to see is a cinematic triumph filmed on a shoestring budget and, dare I say, rivaling, if not surpassing, the best exercise videos on the market. It combines my passion" - here he fisted his hand - "with -"

"Just start the fucking movie, okay?" a boy snapped.

Everyone chuckled.

Ah, the audience was clamoring for it. Perhaps he should work on watering down his sales pitch to prevent such fevered hysteria among his viewers.

"Alright," he said and hit play, "I call this _The Joy of Exercising._"

He sat in a straight back chair with a sheet of paper taped to the back. DIRECTOR, it said.

Onscreen, a hand lettered title card appeared, followed by him and his sister Lara standing side by side in their backyard. He wore red gym shorts and a white polo shirt. She wore pink gym shorts and a pale yellow tank top. "Alright, gang," he said, "let's jump right in. I call this one the pelvic thrust. It really gets those pelvis muscles burning."

Lara spun, knelt before him, and took out his dick.

Shocked silence filled the room.

She molded her lips to his head but didn't move. "First, you want to start off nice and slow."

The camera zoomed shakily in as he sank himself into his little sister's mouth. She rested her hands on her knees and made a sound of delight in the back of her throat. He laced his hands behind his head, thrusted deep, then pulled back until he was almost out. His reddened shaft glistened with saliva. "Nice and slow," he repeated.

He slid his hips forward, then back, slowly increasing his speed. "Now you want to go a little faster."

Someone gasped and someone else muttered a curse word.

TV-Lorenzo slammed furiously into Lara's mouth, his balls slapping a crazy tempo on her chin. The camera shook, and his face darkened. "Goddamn it, keep the camera still, Lizy. It's not that hard."

"I'm trying!" Lizy cried.

The scene cut to Lorenzo standing in-between his sisters Liby and Leia. Both were dressed in maroon colored cheerleader outfits with short skirts and knee high socks, and both held yellow pom-poms. They both stared sourly at the camera. Clearly, neither one wanted to be there. "This next one is for the ladies," Lorenzo said and pointed at the camera. His real life counterpart grinned. He really channeled his inner infomercial pitchman and he nailed it, if he said so himself.

He turned to Leia. She sighed, leaned to one side, and kicked her right leg straight into the air, exposing her pink center. Lorenzo got behind her, wrapped one arm around her waist, and cupped her in his hand. "And this is for the fellas. Work those arm muscles." He slipped his fingers into her, and a pink blush spread across her cheeks. She kept her leg straight in the air and fought to contain the look of ecstasy so obviously straining to pinch her features. "Oh, my forearm's really feeling it," Lorenzo said.

"God, that's his sister," someone said in a scandalized whisper.

Someone else shushed them.

Leia threw her head back into the space between Lorenzo's shoulder and neck and bit her lower lip to stifle her cries. The camera panned to Liby and Lara. Lara smiled and waved. Liby shot it daggers.

"Lizy!" Lorenzo spat. "The action is _right _here. Do you even know what you're doing?"

"No," Lizy said, "I'm three."

"I didn't ask for your IQ," he said.

A few kids on the bleachers laughed.

Back on screen, Leia bent over in front of Lorenzo and arched her back. They faced the camera and you couldn't tell, but Lorenzo's knees were slightly bent. He was tall and Leia was short, what could he say?

She bit her lip and stared into the camera, her icy facade having thawed from the epic fingering Lorenzo gave her. Behind her, he gripped her hips and jammed himself into her boiling core. Her eyes crossed and her mouth dropped open in a silent scream, and in his chair, Lorenzo started to get hard.

"God you're so fucking...small," she panted.

"Am I?" he asked tauntingly.

Her face was beet red and her eyes hazed with lust. "Yes...you suck at this. Dad is much better."

Lorenzo rocked his hips and she squealed. "You say that but you're very hot...and wet."

"F-F-Fuck off," she said.

He set a steady pace, and from the look of bliss on Leia's face, he was doing a good job. She threw herself back into him and swayed on quivering knees. Lorenzo held her up and pounded her hard and fast, just the way she liked it. "God...fuck...faster…"

"Say it."

Leia hung her head and shook it.

"Say it."

He pulled out, and she broke. "You're really good, okay?"

"Atta girl."

He penetrated her again, and she screamed.

The final shot was of Lara and Liby on their knees in front of him. They both kissed, licked, and sucked his dick, Lara with admirable gusto and Liby with restrained enthusiasm. He threw his head back and ran his fingers through their hair. "You're not even pretending this is about exercising anymore," Lizy pointed out.

"No," he panted, "I'm not." He mindlessly thrusted his hips between Liby and Lara's working lips. Lara pushed Liby out of the way, positioned herself in front of him, and took him into her mouth, going down slowly, then faster. Liby knelt there for a second, then shrugged, got up, and left.

"I'm about to go," Lorenzo said.

Lara didn't stop.

"We need a money shot."

She hummed her pleasure.

When his end hit, Lorenzo shoved Lara away, pointed his dick at the camera, and exploded, his seed splattering the lens. Lizy cried out and the camera dropped to the ground, the world spinning and rolling. "It's in my eye!" Lizy shrieked. "It buuuuurrrns!"

Lorenzo got up, pushed the POWER button, and turned to his fans. They gaped at him with expressions ranging from horror to excitement. "And that is how one exercises whilst having fun. I burned 1,500 calories that day. Mostly in my dick."

He was promptly expelled.

THE END.


End file.
